“as many as one in three women suffer miscarriage, and some say as many as one in two”
Chances are you’re suffering in silence, as many women don’t discuss this until they’ve had a successful pregnancy and then you hear about it afterwards…frustrating or what. The stats state that as many as one in three women suffer miscarriage, and some say as many as one in two. Shockingly, the NHS only investigate the cause of miscarriage once a woman has had three in a row.
“we recommend seeking as much support as possible. It IS out there”
The bottom line is when it happens we feel so very alone. We don’t have the courage to talk about it openly or publicly. This is normal and expected. We’ve narrowed down the best support websites, and the most practical. There are people willing to just listen to you vent, so don’t hesitate for a second if any part of you wants to share your story.
At My Beehive we recommend seeking as much support as possible. It IS out there.
- bica.net is the only counselling and therapy organisation specifically for infertility. We can’t recommend this enough. If you can afford to, try to find an hour a week to release your emotions, cry, scream, break down. The whole process can put immense strain on you and on your relationship. Talking to someone regularly about the pain you’ve suffered will lighten the load somewhat, and you won’t feel like you’re bothering your husband, partner, friend…no matter how much they say they don’t mind listening, this is your undisputed time to let it all out. But it does mean paying for it. Read on for some free support groups by INUK.
- Tommys has statistics, and conducts research on miscarriage, stillbirth and premature birth.
- Miscarriage Association UK offers some real person to person support through phone helplines, and has a range of leaflets, forums and social media pages with plenty of information.
- Fertility Network UK offer a range of support depending on what kind of infertility you have encountered. They have people you can speak to anonymously over the phone, by email and you can also look up the local support groups that take place in your area.
We have a support pack coming out soon which will offer a range of items to help recover from this painful journey. You may need help to grieve, and this Care Pack will support you in that. If purchasing as a gift, it could be the gentle gesture to show you are here for them, and give them a little hope for the future too.
I know this one well sadly, and it is very misunderstood. I recall going to a women’s support group and I was the only one already with a child, and that angered the other women, who just couldn’t understand why I was there.
Secondary infertility is just as painful for many different reasons: the guilt around not being able to provide a sibling for the first born, “it was so easy the first time and I took it all for granted…the age gap… I’m getting older…”sound familiar?
Infertility network uk have a support group specifically for those who already have a child and are struggling to conceive the second. If you feel guilt around going to a regular support group, or feel some tension there, then these are the groups for you.
What about setting up your own support group? Contact the infertility network uk as they are open to suggestions and always looking to set up a new group in an area.
There is no doubt that the journey you have been through that has brought you to reading this has been nothing other than utterly painful. Perhaps you have been through countless rounds of unsuccessful fertility treatment, maybe you haven’t met the right person (now apparently known as being socially infertile), or you just feel that parenthood isn’t for you. Whatever it is, voluntary or not, there is some form of grief that will need to be dealt with.
Nowadays most people assume that women will at some stage have children. Society has created this expectation. The difficulty is that society hasn’t really created space for those women who won’t or can’t have children, and thus there is little understanding and support out there.
There are,however, a few really useful organisations to help you deal with all the emotions, and the practicalities of facing life knowing that you won’t be bringing children into yours. Here are the ones we find most useful.
- Fertility Network has amongst other very useful information, fact sheets on childlessness and how to cope with moving on.
- Gateway-Women is a support group set up by Jody Day, author of Live the Life Unexpected. She set up this website after she accepted she wouldn’t be a mother and decided to help others move on and find strength to enjoy life without children. She also runs therapeutic retreats for childless women.
- The Pursuit of Motherhood is a blog by Jessica Hepburn author of The Pursuit of Motherhood and founder of Fertility Fest, the first Fertility art festival of its kind which started in June 2016.
- bica.net is the only counselling and therapy organisation that deals specifically with infertility. If you can afford to, we really can’t recommend this enough. Giving yourself and allowing yourself the space and time to scream, shout, cry every week will lighten the load.